This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
