do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize