His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
