similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
