they need to just BURY HIM!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
