Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
