all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My vagina just clenched in fear
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
