i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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