I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
