I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize