Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize