Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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