If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
