I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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