apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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