Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
