things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
