So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He? As in you personified your dick?
I want a musical about memes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
