Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
