butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
