I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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