FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
3pm strippers are depressing
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
