She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
