peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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