Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
