Don't you send me to vm
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
