Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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