i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
