I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
