OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
