I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
