apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
