I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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