Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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