I'm so fucking centered right now
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
