I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
