its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
