Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
