Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
