You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
