There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Boobs are out for the taking
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
