Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
