so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
