I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i would punch a child for taco bell
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
When are your genitals available?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
