Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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