I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
