Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
