You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
