i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
porn star boner night. come get it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
