i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
