Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
