somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
