i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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