Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Are we still banned from the library?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
