I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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