If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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