Michael Bay diarrhea
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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