I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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