It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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