dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize