So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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