Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
