All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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