I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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