remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
