don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
