So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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