That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
