I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
