the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
