is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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