I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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