But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
