There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize