Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
