sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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