Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Your penis caused this!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize