Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
worst night to have a conscience
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
