She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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