hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
