i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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