There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
