At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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