i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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