I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
