Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
