Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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