dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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