you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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