Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
