you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I need water and some morals
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
